he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
