her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
