In the future we'll all be gay
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
