FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
