Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
