Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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