i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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