she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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