After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
