He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
