I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
