I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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