I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
