the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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