Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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