I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
