I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
