p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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