mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
