Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize