I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
