apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
