pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
