I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
