walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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