She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
