I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
