I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
