M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize