the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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