Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
