Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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