That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
