We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
