My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
