I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
