nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
