too bad you live with your parents still
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
