Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
