well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
