i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
