I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
please come you make the beer taste better
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
