I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
