Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
