i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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