evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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