i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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