Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
