We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
