it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
