How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
