I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
