Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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