i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
