I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
