Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
