Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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