I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
