Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
