Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
