Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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