...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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