And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
