The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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