so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
