Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
