Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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