the condom got lost in my hair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
