from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
