people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
